Cyber Monday

Ed was fired up for Cyber Monday as he repeatedly checked online sites for the 4K Smart TV he coveted. Prices were lower than normal but nowhere near his expectations. Frustrations grew as he realized it wasn’t going to happen.

Edna plopped in a chair nearby and opened the newspaper. “Some great deals on TVs today,” she said while flipping the pages.

“But they’re not 4K TVs,” Ed replied, shaking his head.

“Huh? What exactly is a 4K TV, Ed?”

Ed paused, realizing he didn’t have a clue. “Let’s don’t get technical,” he said. “I just know we need one.”

Celebration

Ed watched every move carefully. Edna was aghast.

The athlete on TV politely handed the ball to the referee, but then suddenly burst into a series of extreme gyrations. He wobbled his legs as though he might collapse while simultaneously flagging his arms like he was trying to swim. His head moved up and down like a human bobblehead set in a perpetual YES motion. His hips twisted in full synchronization.

“He’s having a seizure!” Edna screamed. “Why don’t they do something?”

Ed shook his head in disappointment.  “As far as touchdown dances go, I’d give it a seven.”

*****

This 99-word story is my contribution to the November 18 Carrot Ranch Flash Fiction Challenge to "write dance into your story."

Happy Thanksgiving to all from Ed and Edna!

Contraband

Ed approached the gate and grabbed Edna’s hand. They were swept in a sea of humanity toward the entrance, not conscious of moving their feet as they advanced.

Ed tried to navigate away from the gate where bags were being checked, but the mass of football fans gave him no leeway. He patted his side jacket pocket, hoping to flatten the bulge that would expose his stadium violation.

He held his two tickets up for scanning as he hurried Edna past the ticket taker and security personnel.

“Whew!” he sighed.

Ed got his pack of cheese crackers in without incident.

Leaves and Garbage

Ed finished the front yard and driveway, and put the power blower back into the garage. Edna watched from the bay window, shaking her head.

Two days later leaves were everywhere, and Ed was at it again.

“It’s a losing proposition,” Edna told him. “They’re just going to come back.”

“No, Edna. Those leaves are not coming back. These are new leaves.”

Edna laughed. “What difference does it make? You’ll have to do it all over again.”

The following Monday morning Edna reminded Ed to take out the garbage.

“Why bother?” Ed mocked. “There’ll just be more garbage next week.”

Loveseat

“Your turn,” Edna said. “The game is about to start.”

Ed rubbed his hands together in anticipation. He plopped down, turning his body so that his head laid on one armrest and his legs draped comfortably over the other. The viewing angle was perfect for the TV and fireplace.

Edna smiled. She couldn’t remember a time when anyone sat on the popular loveseat in the conventional way. The faded brown leather sagged with spidery cracks not seen on the full sofa and chair that came with the group.

“Don’t get too comfy,” Edna warned. “It’s mine for movie night.”

*****

This 99-word story is my contribution to the November 11 Carrot Ranch Flash Fiction Challenge to "write about a place of comfort that is a refuge."

DVR

Ed set the DVR and spelled out the ground rules for Edna.

“Please, please don’t say anything if you hear the score of the football game. I’m gonna watch the whole thing tonight.”

“Yes dear.”

As promised, Ed spent the day with Edna shopping for new patio furniture. He carefully avoided the TV section of the store.

Driving home they discussed possible routes to avoid heavy Saturday afternoon traffic near the shopping district.

Suddenly, without warning, Edna blurted out “26 to 14.”

Ed slammed on the brakes and blew his temper.

“Excuuuuuse me,” Edna replied. “Interstate 26 to Highway 14.”

Caution Sign

Ed straightened his posture and tightly gripped the steering wheel with two sweaty hands. His heart rushed as he slowed the car and read the sign: Bridge Freezes Before Road.

Edna glanced at the traffic behind them from her seat on the passenger side. Cars slowed impatiently; several honking horns were heard. Ed plodded along.

Edna looked repeatedly from front to rear, alternately eyeing the bridge ahead and the growing number of cars behind. Ed focused squarely on the view in front of him.

Edna finally threw up her hands in frustration. “Ed” she pleaded. “It’s 81 degrees outside.”

*****

This 99-word story is my contribution to the November 4 Carrot Ranch Flash Fiction Challenge to "write a frozen story."

Time Change

“I’ll set my alarm for 1:45 AM,” Ed said.

“What on earth for?” Edna responded.

“That’ll give me time to gather my wits and change the clocks back one hour as they strike 2:00 AM.”

“I’m not following.”

“Daylight savings ends at 2:00 AM, Edna.” 

Edna chuckled until she realized her husband was serious. Then she decided to mess with him. “If you’re going to set the time back to 1:00 then you better get up at 12:45.”

“Good thinking, Edna.”

Ed rose at 12:45, shaking Edna from her sound sleep. “Are you sure?”

Selfie Stick

“A what?” Edna looked incredulous.

“It’s a selfie stick,” Ed explained.

“A what?” Edna repeated.

“It’s just a tool to help us take pictures of ourselves.” Ed was ready to click Place Order on his laptop screen.

“Let me get this straight,” Edna continued. “You want to buy a long stick to carry around so we can take pictures of ourselves?”

“It folds up, Edna.”

“So, we unfold a large stick and take a picture of ourselves in front of everyone?”

“Everybody’s doing it, Edna.”

Edna paused. “Well, Ed, I think the world needs fewer selfie sticks, not more.”

*****

This 99-word story is my contribution to the October 28 Carrot Ranch Flash Fiction Challenge to "include a tool in a story."